Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The “Black” Church is the reason why Black Women are single

Every week there seems to be some media analysis concerning Black Women. Last week there was an article The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely  that firmly suggests Black women to abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves. According to the author Deborrah Cooper, Black churches are the true reason there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States. I know opinions are like a$$holes so everyone has them but this has got to be THE dumbest thing I ever read (if I can say that and still be Christ-like) With over 13,000 views people obviously want to read or laugh at her claims.

black_church1First and foremost, there should be no such thing as a “Black church”. If the author was going to make such a bold statement about spiritual leaders falsely leading women, why was the focus on Black churches and Black women? I could respect her opinion more if it was about the business of Church and women and not an attack on Black. I don’t understand how we speak out against injustice and scream equality but yet we publicly tear each other down and cause division amongst ourselves with meaningless opinions from uneducated nobody’s who don’t represent the Black race in a positive light (ie. Slim Thug) Now that Blacks have an outlet why must we focus on race so much? You don’t see Washington Post articles or Nightline specials about Hispanic or Asian women?  I’m extremely fed up with all this nonsense about single, lonely Black women. What about the other single women that walk this earth? Why are we the target? Why does everyone care to know what’s going on in Black women’s relationships? 
In her article she makes strong (and mostly false) accusations against Black churches, pastors, and single Christians. Her generalized statements can be summarized to say, your faith shouldn’t be in God for anything. According to her:

“If you are a single Black woman attending a traditional Black church, you will be surrounded by sexually frustrated single women who feel guilty and confused about their physical desires and emotional hungers. You will be told that it is your responsibility to uplift the Black man and be a “helpmeet” to him. You will be told that your sexuality and sensuality must be contained or you lose value as a woman. You will also be told that it is your job to make Black men the men they need to be.”
“My suggestion is that you get off your knees, stop paying so much attention to what your Pastor says and open your eyes to the world around you. There are millions of really great guys out here that would love you to the depths of your soul and stand by you. There are many single men that will happily honor your spirit and desire to leave your mark on the world. However, he may not EVER set foot in a church, read the Bible or even pray; and he certainly may not be Black.”
“Going to church makes you a sheep, blindly following the mandates of a small group of men you have placed in your life in a position of power. Going to church makes you malleable and predictable, and narrows your thinking and thus limits your options.”

I totally disagree! You attend church for reproof, correction, encouragement, exhortation, and most importantly for collective worship. {Scripture Reference} Would she call her “potential clients” blind sheep if they sought the counsel of a so-called “dating expert” like herself? (I doubt it)  She also claims that the Black men that Black women want can’t be found in church. Without a doubt she classifies 98% of the men that attend church into 1 of 4 categories:  A loser working a 12-step program, openly or closeted gay man, opportunistic player on the prowl, or an elderly reformed player. Straight off the dome without thinking, I know of 5 men who attend church regularly and none of these men fall into none of her ridiculous categories. Next she claims :
“In most Black churches marriage is held up as the ideal state of existence; women that remain single are deemed to have some major flaw in attitude or ability. Thus, no single woman in the church wants to remain single because women are expected to marry and to bear children. For sistahs in the church, the pressure from family and fellow church members to marry can be so intense it may motivate her to make an fear-based decision to marry someone totally inappropriate. Such choices are made out of sheer desperation to avoid being single.”

Uh, where has she been hiding? Since she is the so-called “expert” of 17 years… she should know the pressure to marry and have children exist in AND outside of the church regardless to if you are religious or not. Marriage is a part of life which let me re-iterate has biblical foundations. ..For this reason man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife.(Genesis 2:24)  I believe marriage was solely intended for God’s children, not unbelievers. What I don’t understand is why do people like her, unbelievers (and homosexuals) want to partake in such a sacred ceremony, and vow to marriage before a God they do not know or worship?

This kind of nonsense is what keeps women so messed up! She admits not going to church so what gives her the right to make claims against a place she doesn’t attend? I question what type of church she attended previously because I don’t hear these sorts of things at the “Black” churches I’ve attended. Did she ever ask herself if a Christian woman would even want a man that doesn’t read the Bible or pray? As a Christian woman I wouldn’t and I think its safe to say that no real Christian would.  The relationship issue that women face has much more to do with race. Man is off! PERIOD! And satan has blinded her, along with millions more. I didn’t bother to read the 100+ comments but I had to post this because I wanted to counter her nonsense with a faith-based opinion. If you care, click  HERE to read what other people are saying.

Posted by Total Life Prosperity


Candace Williams said...

Okay, so the 5 whole men you know that don't fit those categories (meaning you know a lot more than DO!) has those men in the 2% of marriageable men in the article!

I've lived every word she said and so have dozens of my college friends and family members. If you haven't consider yourself lucky. But I know first hand that every word she said is true. Black churches need an overhaul.

Also the article does not say that anyone should abandon God. I read it several times after seeing similar comments on the webpage. She never said that. It does however say that women should abandon bogus churches and crook pastors with a quickness!!!!!

God is not locked up in a church but for some reason Black women that are all churchified can't seem to differentiate between the two. God is not your pastor. God is not your church.

But hey, if sitting your butt in church is working for you single women that want a husband, then keep doing what you are doing. But if you have been sitting on your butt for years, praying on your knees for years, and no man is coming your way then I suggest you get up off your knees and walk outside the church house and find yourself a husband like I did.

I have a great husband that loves me and our two sons. But he does not go to church. I can live with that.

The odds of you finding a serious, normal Black man without a record, a drug problem or games up in a Black church is so slim its anorexic.

Valerie said...

Me and my daughter were discussing a similar subject, we need balance in addition to wisdom in our lives. My advice to any young woman is to have balance in your walk with God; men don't like nuts.... There has to be a cut off point to know when God is speaking or is it just the flesh in the Pulpit. Women, ladies do not compromise! I wrote a book with some awesome poems and inspirational writings called
"A resume of a desperate woman" check it out....